Some of the simple rules to be a Jehovah's Witness: Don't receive blood transfusion Don't eat anything with blood Don't eat meat from strangled animals Shun disfellowshipped members Don't celebrate holidays Don't celebrate birthdays Don't acquire higher education Don't stand during national anthem Don't join scout Don't join army Don't join any political party Don't vote Don't have any friends outside Jehovah's Witnesses Don't take tattoos Don't take piercings Don't participate any social events at your work Don't smoke Don't google anything related to Jehovah's Witnesses Don't read any religious literature not printed by Jehovah's Witnesses Don't read "old light" literature printed by Jehovah's Witnesses Never read any apostate material Don't spend your money on any humanitarian or charitable organization Don't join any competitive sport Don't have boxing as your hobby Avoid team sport Put a scarf on your head if you are a woman and you teach in the presence of a baptized brother Go door to door or public service every week Report how much have you preached every month Go to two meetings every week Be early in the meetings and socialize Don't leave the meetings too early Smile in the meetings If you are a man, wear a suit, tie and white shirt If you are a woman, wear a skirt and cover your shoulders Don't wear too tight clothes Don't use perfumes at the meetings If you are a man, cut your hair short If you are a man, don't have a beard Watch monthly broadcasting every month Visit three assemblies every year Avoid therapy unless the therapist is a Jehovah's Witness Don't visit any church building Don't participate in any kind of church service Never doubt anything Jehovah's Witnesses have published Never doubt any decisions your elders have made If you date with someone, have another person to watch over you Don't sit next to opposite sex in the meetings if you are not engaged or married Don't masturbate or misuse pillows (PillowGate) Don't have sex before marriage Read JW literature in the evenings to avoid wet dreams Don't have too wild sex in your marriage Don't watch porn Give unrestricted rights of your personal data to the Society Don't spend too much time on hobbies Don't watch violent movies Don't have any pop or sport idols Don't have any favorite sport teams Your car should have four doors Keep your car clean Don't buy too expensive car Don't own anything related to magic or demons Don't do any magic tricks Don't have a military related job Don't have a gambling related job Don't be too fat Don't become drunk if you drink alcohol Keep your head down during the prayers Keep your kingdom hall tidy Try to climb the theocratic organization ladder - but onlys if you are a man Don't swear Don't separate your spouse unless there is adultery Don't separate your spouse even if there is adultery but you have had sex with your spouse Always have your answers at the meetings taken from the magazines - but prefer own words Don't complain of any wrongdoing if you don't have two witnesses Pray for conversion if you are a gay or lesbian. In the paradise you are normal again. Don't sue another Jehovah's Witness Don't commit suicide Have your baptism at early age Donate. Donate. Donate. Don't buy any Smurfs, Sparlocks or any other demonic toys Don't visit any international assembly if you are not invited If you visit headquarters, remember to only use the hotels recommended by the Society If you see any of these rules broken by a congregation member, you should inform the elders Were we controlled?

Send comments to: hjw2001@gmail.com