Subject: Does the bible evolve?
Charles J. Sisitsky
is a renown expert on Divinity who dispenses advice to
people who might call in to him. As an observant Jew
he considers homosexuality an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following is an open letter to
Charles J. Sisitsky
modified by a Framingham resident, Harold J. Wolfe (who shamelessly stole
it from the internet), and posted it on the Internet.
It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Mayor Sisitsky
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your teachings, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?
- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. She has never been with a man and has a Master's degree in
electrical engineering. In this day and age, what do you think would be
a fair price for her?
- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
- Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
- I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself?
- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle room here?
- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev.19:27. How should they die?
- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
- My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme
a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we
do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
- Lastly, is it truly necessary to
circumcise my male children
in order to have a covenant with the Lord? Gen. 17:10.
It seemed painful to them.
Your devoted fan,
Harold J. Wolfe